BREAKING NEWS

Oh no, not really, can this be true?

The P.O.M. & O.C.P. informed the GorM this afternoon, after staff read an editorial (that the staff can read will be the focus of another news story at a later date, when this amazing finding can be fully verified and/or validated) that it would not be possible to appoint Ms. Tining to the position of GG: First of all, she ticks all the boxes required of the special selection committee established by a previous government.

Secondly, she is not a flash-in-the-pan celebrity.

Thirdly, she already has an earned pension.

Fourthly, she would bring honour and newly-desired credibility to the appointment process.

By this point, it was obvious that no corrupt or uncaring government would want such an individual in the position.

Furthermore, it has been learned that the candidate believes that golf clubs in the Capital Region are too costly and there are no decent ski hills within half-an-hour of Rideau Hall. While there may be dragon-boat clubs in the area, none of them reached out within the necessary 14.8 seconds to invite her to join. Another concern was the need to be driven everywhere when the candidate is quite capable of driving herself, and at speeds significantly faster that the Airport Parkway would prefer.

There was another issue that, while primarily a sidebar to this story, needed to be considered. The candidate was raised Roman Catholic but is now a member of the Presbyterian Church in Canada (PCC) via Zion Presbyterian in Charlottetown, and due to Covid travel restrictions it might not be possible to get her minister to the capital in time for the swearing in. Along with this troubling information, it has been learned that her partner was not interested in attending the swearing in as it would conflict with his weekly fitness regime including three ski days each week at his preferred hill. There is also a rumour that he has started writing a second book on his professional journey and would likely not have complimentary things to say about something or someone.

While this news release no doubt will sadden many, rest assured that it did not interrupt Robbie Burns celebrations today at the ski hill nor will it interfere with the candidate’s quiet desire to also turn down the presidency of her local Rotary Club.

Continue to have a great final week of January…

As always,
g.w.