Today’s Theme: Sometimes going forward means falling backward…
Lately I have been noticing an interesting shift in direction(s) for some things in my life. At first it was somewhat subtle and even trifling, but as we move into 2025 a perceptible change is definitely there.
The most noticeable sense of regression, is occurring on the ski hill. For years I have been among the fastest (if not the outright leader) among my ski colleagues. This goes back at least thirty years when I first bought a home on Apex. The quicker I could get down the run, the quicker I could get back on the lift. There were Saturdays when I constantly used the singles line to abet my need for speed. More recently several within the larger circle of congenial skiers have been injured or otherwise incapacitated and have missed significant time on the hill. A couple of years ago, on the last day of the season, I took a black diamond run than was interrupted, at fairly high speed, by a serious tumble. But it didn’t end the day – simply got back up, collected my widely strewn gear, re-assembled it all, and continued to ski out the day. Last year, was more of the same, but without any serious calamities. However this year I seemed to have changed course. While I am keeping the daily records of our inner group I no longer am on fire – in fact, I have only attained a speed of 60+ km/hr once in nine [9] days. Moreover I seldom have reached double digits in the number of runs skied.
As I reflect on this, it has been mentioned that I am not driving as quickly either up or down the ski hill anymore – in fact, I even pulled over to let another driver pass on the way up a couple mornings ago. So have I regressed in my commitment to speed? Am I no longer competitive? I don’t think so. Perhaps I am learning to smell at least some of the roses.
But it is not just on the ski hill that I seem to be regressing. I have lessened the amount of energy being spent attempting to land new teaching gigs. In fact I have yet to conclude even the CUE contract for another year. And I seem to be searching for more moments to take in the Arts, so that trips are being slightly elongated so I can attend a concert or a play. There are days when I now have only one significant item on the schedule not four [4] or five [5]. I’m not even doing as much long-range planning.
Is this because I turned eighty [80] as 2024 drew to a close? Have I become unwittingly cautious or simply increased my degree of laziness? Or am I actually running out of steam, paying for the pace of life I lived in college, in consulting, even in my more recent teaching/mentoring life?
Not likely on any of these counts – I’m chalking it up to increases in wisdom, something that seems to become more prevalent after four score years. Early in life I hoped to make it to thirty-five [35] which I did; then I thought it might be cool to reach fifty [50] as that would demonstrate doubtless times when I defied gravity or other moments of risk. But after that I realized I was simply a very fortunate lad. Life was good to me, each day a wonderful gift. No matter what would befall me, including moments of serious mental unwellness, some stretches of physical abuse of my body, emotional letdowns in relationships with people and/or institutions, I had to consider myself blessed… Now it’s something more – going slower does afford me times when I actually can take in the view, enjoy the vistas of life around me. Regression is, at least in my case, a good thing. I have either maintained association or reconnected with people from the early eras and they have a curious way of showing me new understandings due to their different life journeys. AND I now have grandkids who are all adults, who run at different paces & trajectories and it is so great to let them soar with no sense on my part of a need to keep up. Rather by regressing I can appreciate more fully what they are accomplishing.
And perhaps most of all, since both parents are gone, I have become the head of a clan. Not a big one, but one that matters – it therefore behoves me to enjoy this moment in time at a pace that is more qualitative than quantitative. And so I will continue to regress…
In regressive reflection,
g.w.